As Beyonce Says "All the single ladies/put your hands up"

This post is probably coming out one of the many fever dreams I have had in the past four days. I technically should be passed out, but due to all the tea I have been drinking to feel better through this horrible illness, I am wide awake (I don't believe in decaff tea), and thus this post begins.

It seems like society is always urging people to commit. Commit to this one job for the rest of your life after college, commit to this diet, commit to this way of writing, commit, commit, commit, commit. Especially in relationships, I hardly know anyone who actually casually dates, my friends go from one relationship and in to another one (or as I sometimes see it: from the frying pan to the fire). Whatever happened to casual? Casual dinner, casual sex, casual breakfast the next day...I am going to blame it on romantic comedies or romcoms.

There are all these damn movies that are about successful single women who have awesome friends, good jobs, interesting social lives, but they are SINGLE. Throughout the entire movie said single girl is seen moping about not having a relationship, having sex, moping about sex not being a relationship, yearning for the "perfect" man, thinking how life sucks because they don't have a commitment with another person, etc. I could make a huge list of all the romcoms that come to mind that deal with a successful single woman who only thinks about not being single, but I'm not, it would be boring, all I have to mention is the Sex and the City cult and I make my point.

All these movies hinting that a single girl should think about getting a relationship filter into everyday life, and suddenly society and culture are telling single women that they should feel like their lives suck and that they should probably put on some special hormone filled perfume and go hunting for a "man."

When is there going to be a movie about a single girl who doesn't think about how much it sucks to be single? Hell, include men in this vent too. Movies seem to show single men just as desperate for a relationship as women.

What does society have against people who are single? I don't know the answer, but I hope someone does.

(Here is a pretty cool comic about how being single rocks)

Asses vs. Breasts

I'm going to first apologize for not posting for awhile, life got hectic and I had other priorities. But, now I am back!

I recently hung out in the park on a beautiful 70 degree day with some friends. Since it was the first warm day in a long, long time, there were lots of lovely ladies who had shed their winter gear. I am the first to get into a debate about the objectification of women, but I it is hard to resist looking at fine ladies in a park on a warm day, so this day my friends and I started to objectify, but all in good fun. This led to a debate about which is better, breasts or asses?

My guy friends were for the ass and less about the titties. I like to look at asses, but I love the way a woman will carry her breasts and the curve of them. It got to be an interesting discussion about asses and breasts.

I argued that breasts were nice because of their erotic qualities: the soft nipple getting hard under a tongue, the soft curve of the skin, the titallation a sexy piece of lace that carries with it the possibility of being removed. They found this to be all too much "work" and the lingerie to be a nice addition to the moment, but not necessary since it gets removed anyway. Which is a silly characterisitc of lingerie, it can look good, be visually appealing and tantalizing, but in the end a woman will spend $80 on a lingerie set and will wear it for about five minutes or less, and even spend more on the outfit than $80 dollars.

Thier arguments for asses were, good. Nice, firm part of the body to grab onto during sex, especially with the woman on top or during that horribly named position "doggy style" (i need to come with a new name for that position, because "doggy style" irritates me). They are nice to spank, hold on to, etc.

Plus, seeiing a girl in a fine pair of jeans walk by is just delicious. Woman's asses are way better than mens. I rarely look at a guy's ass when I am checking him out, but it is guaranteed that when I look at a woman I will look at her ass somepoint.

Yet, for some, an ass just does it and a good ass is all there needs to be. They don't have to have great breasts or a good face, but if they have a fine ass, well some are done for. Maybe I am just to picky, though that is not quite the right word. Perhaps it has to do with men and women and how they approach things. Because, in the end for me, a person can be bangin' hot, but if their personality blows then I am completly turned off.

Who knows why some people prefer one aspect of someone and one does not. That is the magic of sexuality and the erotic.

Sex and Stress

Your're stressed out and ready to blow a fuse. One more thing to put a kink in your day and you might just punch a small child. Hell, you barely have any fingernails left because you have biting on them for hours. You've tried the stress ball...and the outcome...what the hell is a squishy ball filled with rice and an angry face going to do get rid of my stress?

Then you try meditation, but you can't stop thinking of all the stuff that is stressing you out. Maybe you hate running, so running won't relieve and maybe even a bike ride won't make you feel calmer.

Have yout tried sex?

Sex is a natural way to relieve stress. When you have sex, especially the king where you are going deep inside someone, nerves are hit in the vaginal wall and the hormone oxytocin is released which helps calmness descend. Dr. Brody, a psychologist at the University of Paisely, did several tests to determine that sex does indeed calm people down. Even, science supports that sex is good for becoming calm.

But, I hope that if you have had sex then you already know that sex is quite calming. Post-coitus, or after orgasm, most people feel quite calm and relaxed. And why the hell not? Sex is damn good feeling and it makes you happy. How can you stay stressed when you just orgasmed?!!!! We don't need science to tell us this. Its nice to know that some scientists are interested in the uses of sex for other than pleasure, but good grief! There really needed to be a study that proves this?

Sadly, I have not been feeling stressed out to go and prove this idea even more, but please dear readers, if you are stressed out right now, go and get laid!

I would like to thank BBC News for information on Dr. Brody .

The Regrettable History of Vibrators

A vibrator can be the single woman's best friend or for any woman for that matter. Bright colors, nice ridges, the curved point that can actually hit the nice spot, but the vibrator has a regrettable history. No, vibrators were not invented by some woman hitting up against something that vibrated and gyrated.

In the mid 19th century, male doctors came up with a condition that was afflicting many women, this was "hysteria." "Hysteria" usually was visible with the woman being upset often, fits of moodiness and depression. "Hysteria" most likely developed in women due to the fact that they had few roles to play in society except be the pure wife and mother. Women weren't even given the right to be sexual creatures at this time.

So, here comes the vibrator invented by Kellina Wilkinson. Pretty much, a woman would go to her physician and the good doctor would get her off with the vibrator. The doctor didn't see this as sexual and the women who had it done to them didn't see it as sexual.(It was barely believed that a woman could orgasm, and an orgasm via the clitoris was not believed in either).

Imagine, this: Upset, depressed woman getting off by her physician to cure her ailment. Wow.

It wasn't until 1902 that the vibrator was put out on the market for retail. And thank god.


As you can see from the images on this post, vibrators have come along way. How awkward would it be to be having an orgasm while holding onto a hose that seems to be connected to a vacuum?!! Personally, I prefer using my vibrator in ways that this machine would not let me...shower, bed...with someone...this thing, well, you could probably use it as a vacuum too.

There are so many different types of vibrators out there, that is hard to choose. Hell, you can even get anal vibrators now, which probably would have the Victorians in a dither.

Here are some types of vibrators: Clitoral, dildo, g-spot, jack rabbit, anal, fukuoku, dual zone, triple zone, silver bullet and even ones that you can hook up to your ipod!

Need to give thanks to slate.com where I got my images from and Tulip (lovely sex store in Chicago) for selling so many vibrators.

The Nature of Lies

I recently came across an interesting article about a professor at the Art Institute of Chicago who is fascinated by lies. This led me to thinking about lying in general. When it comes to sex, lies happen all to often. Women lie about having orgasms and being sexually stimulated, men lie about why they had sex with someone and some lie about what they are interested in doing in bed. Hell, most likely at some point in everyone's sex lives they have lied. Why is this? Why do people feel the need to lie to the people they have sex with?

Looking back at the history of how sex has been treated in society it is easy to see why lying still happens. In the 18th century women barely had a voice in their sex lives, it wasn't something you did. If sex came out in public, people lied about actually having it. Time moved forward and sex got to be a little better, but still lying happened because society still treated sex as a taboo subject.

Today, we like to think that we are all so modern in how we treat sex, but it is still a subject that many of us are raised to feel awkward about. It is treated as taboo even as sex stores are in put in busy neighborhoods and KY ads show couples clothed and kissing. It is always around and yet people still feel shame or awkwardness when it comes to what they want in bed.

There needs to be change still. Advances in how sex is treated are not complete and not perfect. People should be comfortable telling their partners that they didn't orgasm or that they would like to be spanked every once in awhile without being judged. I think we all need to start feeling safe and confident with our partners about sex.

No lies, No shame and No fear.

Here is a list of some great people who are good at making you feel comfortable with sex:

Dan Savage of "Savage Love," who answers questions about sex

Annie Sprinkle, sex activist and feminist artist

Kate Bornstein, awesome books on sexuality and gender.

I love Female Orgasm, good book and sex education program